Shyness 7 Tips
Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer
connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to
make shyness a thing of the past.
When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl
attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me
instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I
was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.
The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus
anxiety. Sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical
sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.
My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt an idiot! I
couldn't think what to say so I said nothing! When I detected pity in her
eyes (or was it contempt) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated
shyness and was determined to change it.
Overcome shyness now
How shyness is developed
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social
conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This
enables you to direct your attention away from shyness and gives you the
space to practice conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened
emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond
to social events with shyness, instead of excitement and pleasure.
Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive,
but it is an advantage shyness denies to many until they learn to relax. To
start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and
ideas and start to put them into practice:
1) Think about the way you feel and behave around
familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that
feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your
emerging social confidence.
2) Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you
can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your
focus is on your own shyness and feelings then you might as well be by
yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note,
listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of
remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also
'dilutes' social shyness leaving you feeling calmer.
3) Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk
about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting.
Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do
you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once
they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as:
'What other places do you like in this city…?' Next you can express your
views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the
conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.
4) Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you
ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to
arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined?
That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do
lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess
what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person
thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.
5) Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The
'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are
emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms
of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing shyness terms. An angry
person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a
'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of
infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing!
Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll
notice much less black or white thinking because shyness actually causes you
to think in all or nothing terms.
Secrets of Self-Hypnosis Harnessing Power of Unconscious Mind.
6) Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out.
Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider
your response without shyness (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you
think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.
7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the
quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation.
Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This
conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact
you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst
hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the
point where you just can't do shyness any more! This is what I call a 'happy
inability!'
I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current
social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.
Overcome shyness now
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